SODA PISSER
by
Tex Gresham
and
KKUURRTT
I accidentally pissed on my mom’s bed after she told me to stop drinking fucking soda.
And by accidentally I most definitely mean on purpose.
Because she’s been pissing me off.
My Men’s Health magazine subscription was sixteen days late and I was starting to get worried that I was pregnant.
I had recently developed an obsession with soda (Mountain Dew, Jarritos, Dr. Perky, et al.) and the magazine I was waiting on had an article about the health benefits of soda (entitled “Soda, The Gateway to Diabetes”) that I wanted to show my mom so she’d get off my back about drinking so much fucking soda.
Turns out I was full from the soda and not a baby inside me.
“Men can’t get pregnant,” Noreen assured me.
I spent my childhood kissing the bare asses of my sister’s Barbie dolls and once my sister moved out and took her dolls, I started drinking soda.
Life’s unfair sometimes.
Bio:
Tex Gresham and KKUURRTT recently took a road trip. KKUURRTT met Tex’s mother and embarrassed him when she asked what their most recent book, Pop!, was about.
Beautiful