3 More Stories
from CLOWN: a PUNK NOIR Magazine series
Money For A Mountebank
by
John Weagly
Mrs. London answered the phone.
“Did you hire Klunko the Klown for this afternoon?” a muffled voice asked.
“Yes.”
“For your kid’s birthday party?”
“Yes. Who is this?”
“Do you want Klunko the Klown to be at your kid’s birthday party?”
“Yes,” Mrs. London said, exasperated. “That’s why we hired him.”
“Then listen. We’re going to need ten thousand dollars.”
“What?”
“Ten thousand dollars. Small bills. Unmarked.”
“Klunko said it was seventy-five for the whole afternoon.”
“We have the clown,” the voice said. “If you want the clown, it’s ten thousand dollars.”
“Ten thousand dollars for a clown? We don’t have that kind of money.”
“You live in that big house on Precipice Street, right?”
“Yes, but…”
“You have that kind of money. That’s why we kidnapped the clown, because you want the clown and you have that kind of money.”
“I don’t think we want to pay ten thousand dollars.”
“You don’t?”
“Not really.”
“We’ll kill him! You’re willing to ruin your kid’s birthday? No clown equals no fun!”
“You’re teasing,” Mrs. London said. “Besides, Jasper doesn’t even really like clowns.”
“Have it your way.”
On the other end of the line, a balloon popped.
ALLIGATOR AUTOPSY from Iguana Publications
THE JUGGLER WHO LOST HIS ARMS IN A RODEO FIRE & OTHER PLAYS from Next Stage Press
DANCING IN THE KNEE-DEEP MIDNIGHT: A SHORT FICTION COLLECTION from Close To The Bone Publishing
VAGABOND PLAYS from Alien Buddha Press
An Immense World of Delight
by
Ed Ridgley
When she wore a red shirt, a hummingbird flew near her thinking she was a flower. She said “oh” each time it got closer, the whirring sound of the bird’s wings startling us both. Hummingbirds are the only birds that can fly backward and now I find myself wishing I was a time-traveling hummingbird who could experience that moment again and play the scene over and over again staying there suspended in midair like that little red and green and blue bird.
Funny how little things like that crash into my memories of her. Like the memory of when we went to the circus and saw the clowns and how one clown danced and flailed around and entertained the audience including at the last clutching his chest and falling to the ground, which we all thought was part of the act until it was not. And I remember how tears streaked her face as she put her hands to her mouth as often happens in times like these, the disbelief that just before this we were so very happy and now we were so very sad. And now I remember that sadness most of all.
Ed Ridgley (https://linktr.ee/edridgley) is the author of “Dream On” in Janie’s Got a Gun, Crime Fiction Inspired by the Songs of Aerosmith anthology. He won AHMM’s Mysterious Photograph Contest, July/August, 2023, edition. And he won a New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest in 2010, the cartoon showing a bar scene with a bartender, a detective, and a ballerina. His caption (the bartender’s words) said “The guy you’re looking for waltzed out of here an hour ago.”
Absolutely True Things from My Past No One Believes When I Tell Them
by
Andrew Boylan
1
When my father exorcized demons in our living room the walls spoke in tongues. People from as far as three-towns-over arrived at the door so my father could put his hand on their forehead.
2
A woman in our church believed our dad hid inside her T.V. She called the house late at night to scream at my mother, “Get your husband out of the T.V.”
3
A clown lived in the furnace room of our church. In 1983, clowns were everywhere. The day they took the clown away, they found my brother standing in the corner with a smile painted on his face.
4
While working overnight security for a board game company, a woman called the phone number on her Ouija Board box. “Help me,” she begged. Girls wept in the background. “Where are you?” “Louisianna,” she said. “You called Massachusetts. But I too believe in demons.”
5
My wife and I tremble in our bed when the ice cream truck stops in front of our house at 2 am. Its music infects our dreams.
Andrew Boylan lives in an old house near a river. You can watch his horror movies on Tubi. Find him @deserthorror on all socials.
If these are the last three in the Clown series... what a final explosion. Brilliant.
loved this one!